Unsure
by Eleanor J
Summary: Version one million of Olivia finding out about Beck and Elliot. Olivia finds out and tries to keep Elliot from finding out how hurt she's feeling.


Unsure

By Ellie

Disclaimer: I do not own SVU or Elliot or Olivia. If I did, then Elliot's temporary partner would have been some middle aged guy with a bit of a gut.

A/N: This is my first SVU fic. I just had to write something after last week's episode. It's a one-shot. I need to get back to my House fic before my readers hurt me. (I have a good chunk of the next chapter done!)

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"Liv!" Fin called out from the other end of the hallway of the precinct. He rushed to embrace her in a big hug. "When did you get back?" he asked stepping back to look at her.

"Just in time for court," she told him with a grin. "My FBI contact didn't give me the note until two days after he got it. I had enough time to throw some clothes in a bag and catch a plane out here. I just made it to the court in time to testify."

"How was working for the Feds?" he asked as they started to walk towards the bullpen.

"Horrible," she stated. "I've been officially released, and I couldn't be happier. Where's your partner?"

"In court testifying. He's going to be pissed that he missed this," he said as they walked into the large room. "Hey, look who's back!" Fin called out to the other detectives.

She was greeted with cry of happiness from everyone else. Her eyes immediately went to Elliot and she was enveloped into one of his big bear hugs. It was so good to be back. She was Olivia Benson again, and it felt great going back to the people that she loved and the work that she was truly good at.

"Oh God, I've been so worried about you," he said into her hair. Olivia fought the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes. He pulled back and looked at her sternly, but with a twinkle in his eye, "Don't you ever hang up on me like that again!" he ordered.

"I'm sorry. The group I was with approached me and I was afraid of blowing my cover. I shouldn't even have called, but I missed you guys so much."

"I know," he said and hugged her again. Olivia heard a discreet cough from behind and she turned to see a tall beautiful woman standing before her.

Elliot looked flustered as he started to make introductions. "Olivia, this is Dani Beck, my … my partner. Dani, this is Olivia Benson." Olivia smiled through her shock and took Dani's hand. She didn't know why she was surprised. Of course, they would have given him a new partner.

"It's nice to meet you," Dani said. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Don't believe everything you hear," Olivia joked. "He didn't drive you too crazy, did he?" she asked, gesturing to Elliot. Beck and Elliot looked at each other and at that moment Olivia's stomach dropped because she knew. They were sleeping together.

Voices continued to float around her as she struggled to find her equilibrium.

"Liv, you don't look so hot," Fin said, concern etched into his face.

"Yeah, I've had a … really weird week," she said concentrating on keeping her inner turmoil from her face. "Plus, I'm still recovering from a concussion," she told them, grasping at the half-lie in order to keep them from the truth.

"What? How?" Elliot asked, his focus suddenly on her. She smiled at his over protectiveness and then felt the sting of tears in the back of her eyes.

"All part of the glorious world of deep undercover," she said, not really wanting to get into issues of police brutality at this moment. "I'm fine, Elliot, really. Just really beat. I'm going to head home," she told them all.

"Let us give you a ride," Beck offered.

Olivia shook her head and forced a smile. "Thanks, but Casey's got me. I'm going to go home and take the longest shower ever and then take a couple of weeks off to regroup," she said, suddenly deciding that a vacation was definitely in order. Olivia had been planning on jumping back into work, but now she wasn't sure. Did Elliot still want to be partners? Was there even an opening at SVU for her?

"A vacation," Elliot exclaimed. "I'm not sure if I can remember the last time you took a vacation."

"Being someone else twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week is exhausting. I feel like I could sleep for a week." She paused and gave him another hug. "I'll call you later," she said, her voice deeper than normal with unshed tears. Elliot looked at her with concern, but she pulled away and headed out with Casey following.

They got into the car and headed for Olivia's place. "Do you need to stop someplace and get some food?" Casey asked.

"No thanks. I'll order some delivery. I just want to go home." Casey examined her friend closely.

"Liv, are you really okay. You seem much more … subdued than you were earlier."

"I'm fine."

Casey wrinkled her forehead and thought for a moment. "This isn't about Beck, is it?"

Olivia took a controlled breath before replying. "I'm fine, really. Just tired."

Casey turned to watch where she was going. "She's not cut out for SVU, Liv. She'll probably welcome the excuse to go someplace else."

Olivia didn't respond, and Casey let it go. Olivia inwardly sighed in relief.

They soon pulled up to Olivia's apartment, and Casey pulled over to let her out.

"Thanks for the ride," she told her.

"Anytime. Call me when you're up to going out. We'll grab breakfast or something."

"Sure," she said with a small smile.

"Liv …" Casey called after her, still sensing that there was something wrong with her. "If you need to talk …"

"Yeah. I will."

Olivia climbed up the steps to her apartment. She fumbled with the lock and let herself in. Her apartment had a stale feeling after being left empty for so long. She put her stuff down on the floor next to her couch and sat down.

The tears that she had been fighting for so long finally won the battle and fell down her cheeks. Elliot had started a relationship with his new partner. She had spent the last six weeks missing him so intensely that it actually hurt at times, and he was off banging the new girl.

She impatiently wiped the tears from her face. She had no right to feel jealous. She and Elliot were only friends. But still …

She got up and grabbed her bags and headed for her bedroom to unpack and put fresh linens on the bed. A picture on her dresser caught her attention. It was of her and Elliot at the Christmas party a few years back. They were both smiling happily into the camera with their arms wrapped one another. She put the picture face down on the dresser and sat on her bed.

It would have hurt if Elliot had begun a relationship with any woman, she admitted to herself, but the fact that Beck was his partner hurt her in ways she could only begin to describe. A part of her had always assumed that it was the fact that they were partners that had always stopped them from getting involved with one another. But now that assumption was shot to hell. He was involved with his partner, so obviously that hadn't been it. He just hadn't wanted to start something with _her_.

Her stomach rumbled as it reminded her that she had only eaten the little bag of peanuts on the plane today. She got up from the bed and went to look for a takeout menu.

An hour later, Olivia was waiting for her food to arrive. She had cleaned out her refrigerator and was giving it a good scrub down in the meantime to keep her mind off of her personal problems.

A knock at her door surprised her out of her cleaning induced reverie.

"Who's there?" she asked.

"Liv, it's me," Elliot called from the other side of the door. "I've got your food, and Mrs. Harris let me in the building."

Olivia just stared at the door in shock. Why was here? She hadn't wanted to see him until she was sure that she wouldn't betray how hurt she felt. He had been so unhappy for so long. She didn't want him to feel guilty if he had found some happiness with someone else.

"Liv? Are you okay?" she heard through the door.

"Yeah," she forced herself to answer. "Sorry. You just caught me by surprise."

She went to the door, unlocked it, and pulled it open. Elliot surveyed her yellow vinyl gloved hands and his mouth quirked up in amusement.

"This is how you relax?"

She gave him a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I didn't get any warning when I left. My fridge needed to be classified as a toxic waste dump."

"God forbid that you put it off for one night," he joked. She looked away, not wanting to get into why she was cleaning out her fridge. He seemed to sense her discomfort. "I brought ice cream too," he told her gently as he handed a bag to her as he placed the other one on her counter.

This time her smile was genuine as she reached out to take it. "Thank, Elliot. I just realized that I was out." She went to put it in the freezer, striving to hide the awkwardness she felt around him.

"Should you be cleaning with the concussion?" he asked. Olivia rolled her eyes, but smiled at him.

"I'm fine. I just didn't get a chance to rest afterwards like I should have."

"What happened?" he asked.

Olivia looked away, not wanting to get into it, but she could see that he was in one of his protective moods and the quickest way to get him out of the apartment was to answer all of his questions so that he could determine for himself that she was fine.

"I got on the wrong end of a police baton," she told him matter-of-factly.

"A cop did this to you?" he asked angrily.

"Yep. He was beating on one of my fellow protesters and I tried to stop him. The next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital handcuffed to the bed with a concussion." _And whispering your name,_ she added to herself, but he definitely did not need to know that.

"Handcuffed?"

"I was arrested for assaulting a police officer,"

"That dirty bastard accused you of assaulting him?" he asked, obviously outraged.

Olivia's heart twisted when she saw how upset he was. "Elliot, you can't fly all the way to Oregon to beat him up. You don't have that many frequent flyer miles."

Her joking was the shock he needed to get his temper under control. "And I am saving up for a trip to the Bahamas," he managed to joke back. Elliot's face then became serious again. "It's just that I was so worried that some terrorist was going to realize that you were undercover and kill you, and it turns out that you had more to be afraid of from our side."

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I'm fine before you'll believe me," she told him as she started to get her dinner out of the bag.

"I'm sorry," he began as he ran his hand through his hair. "I know you don't like it when I get overprotective. But you were hurt, and as your partner and friend I have the right to get upset about that. I've spent the past six weeks worried to death about you. Afraid that Cragen would call me into his office to tell me that something horrible had happened to you."

_I bet it just ate you up. You were so worried that you started doing the horizontal tango with your new partner within a matter of weeks of being assigned together, _she thought involuntarily. A bitter half-whispered, "Yeah sure," escaped from Olivia's lips before she could stop herself.

Elliot stared at her in shock before a second before responding. "What the hell does that mean?" Elliot asked, his voice getting progressively louder. "Are you saying that I wasn't worried about you?"

Olivia took some deep breaths to try and calm down. "Look, Elliot. I didn't mean anything by it. I'm in a really bad mood and probably shouldn't be around people right now. This is why I wanted to be alone. You should go before we say anything else that we'll regret."

"No," he said. "You don't get to imply something like that and expect me to leave it alone. You just left, Olivia. You were gone. Without a word. Just Cragen telling me that you were out on another case and that he couldn't tell me anything more." Olivia started to defend herself, but Elliot yelled over her. "I know why you couldn't say good-bye, but for you to act like it didn't do anything to me --," he stopped as his anger overwhelmed him. "Screw you!"

It was finally too much for Olivia as her temper exploded as well. "Screw you, too!" she yelled. "Oh wait," she hissed at him, "that's what your new partner is doing. I guess I'll have to wait in line!"

Olivia wished that she could pull the words back into her mouth as she watched Elliot's face lose all color. The anger left the room as quickly as it had come, and they both stared at each other in stunned silence.

"Liv…" he began in a stricken voice. "It doesn't … I mean …how?"

"I just knew," she whispered as she looked away. "I'm sorry, Elliot," she said as she held back the tears. "I had no right to say anything. Your personal life is none of my business."

"Liv … it's just something that happened--," he said, fighting back tears of his own.

"No. I don't want to know the details," she said with her hands up as she strove for control. "You don't owe me any kind of explanation."

Elliot looked away and Olivia could see that, despite her words, he was feeling guilty. She sighed in frustration. This is exactly what she didn't want to happen.

"Elliot …" she began but stopped, unsure of what to say.

"I was just so lonely when you were gone," he told her in a low voice. "And she … she understood that."

Olivia closed her eyes as the tears escaped. Now that this was all coming out, there was something that she had to know. "Is she … are you guys going to stay partners?" she whispered.

"No," he replied immediately. "She's not …" he stopped.

"Casey said that she wasn't really right for SVU," Olivia finished for him.

"No, she's not," he said. He was about to say something else when his phone rang. "Stabler," he answered impatiently.

Olivia watched Elliot listen to the person on the other end of the phone. It was obviously Beck, calling about a case.

"Yeah … Uh huh …. Ok, I'll be right there," he finished and hung up the phone. He looked at Olivia, trying to figure out what to say.

"Go," she told him.

"Liv …"

"I'm taking two weeks off. We'll discuss the work situation when my vacation's almost up."

"And everything else?" he asked. Olivia was tempted to say that she didn't know what he was talking about, but their relationship deserved more than that.

"You're still my best friend, Elliot," she said after a long moment. "That hasn't changed. I can't lie and say that I'm completely okay, but I depend on your friendship too much to just …" she stopped for a second and looked him straight in the face. "I'll be okay. Just give me some time to decompress and when Beck asks for her transfer out of SVU, I'll be there waiting to go back."

Elliot stood there for a moment and then went and wrapped his arms around her. Olivia, against her better judgment, returned the embrace.

"It's not that she means more to me," he whispered into her hair. "It's that I need you in my life too much, and I'm terrified of screwing us up by starting something."

Olivia chuckled darkly into his chest. "That's a shitty thing to say, Stabler."

"I know," he told her. "I'm working on it though. Be patient."

"Always." She pulled back and nodded to him. "Go catch your perp."

The End

A/N2 And there ends my first foray into SVU. I hope it was passable.


End file.
